so its been quite a while since i've finished a song. i've started several, but if you're a songwriter, you know that that is often an incomplete process. i tend not to write a lot of songs, but try to put a lot into the ones i write... which doesn't necessarily make them better... just keeps me from writing a lot of them. heh.
at any rate, its interesting how sometimes in songwriting... for me anyway... i write a piece of a song, thinking it's going in a certain direction, then can't finish it... then at a later time, the rest of it comes, and i realize the reason i didn't finish it is because i hadn't yet lived the experiences that would write the song. this is one of those. i'm limited on time, so i won't make good on my typical tenedency to probably over-write a novel legnth preface to posting lyrics... but then, maybe that's the best with lyrics... to let others get out of it what it means to them.
i will say this, though. relationships with people are hard. and i'm not speaking just of romantic relationships... though that's included... but i mean a more broad sense of the word. all relationships. they're hard because our hearts, because of sin, are more interested in our own good than the good of others. when wronged, we want to justify ourselves. when hurt, we want to defend. when people let us down, we want to throw our hands up and say, 'screw it! i don't need people.' at least i know i see these responses in myself. but that's not how Christ loved. His love preceded His demand. He didn't wait for us to commit and demonstrate our loyalty before He extended His unconditional love. now, His love demands response, yes... but that's another conversation. but i think its consistent with scripture to say that He first loved us, when we were unlovely. 'but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.' -romans 5.8
at any rate... this song is fruit of my own wrestling with this. in ideal, i should love like Christ did. in reality, i battle my own sin and selfishness. this is a conflict that i'm confident will demand my attention for the duration of my life... but praise God there is growth in grace.
love, to give
(c) 2009 joshua codispoti
i'm weary of this war
why does a battle rage between what's right and what is real?
there's gotta be a love
that's bigger than subjective wax and wain of how we feel
but here i stand, with blood on my hands
as guilty as the next man of the crimes that i oppose
but i want to love
to give of myself
without thinking of myself
to put your good above my own
i want to embrace
to spread wide my arms
without the fear of a knife
cause what is love if it's not a sacrifice?
this isn't black and white
it never was
so why am i so unsettled by the grey
sure, wrong is on your side, but its on mine too
though my pride would have you bearing all the blame
but we're all sinners, and my heart it feels the sting
of what loving people brings
when love for self gets in the way
but i want to love
to give of myself
without thinking of myself
to put your good above my own
i want to embrace
to spread wide my arms
without the fear of a knife
cause what is love if its not a sacrifice?
love is patient, love is kind
says your good is worth more than mine
bears all things, does not insist on its own way
its own way
i search for what is real
and find the Lover of my soul
and how my heart must make Him feel
i claimed love a million times
then i played the whore
and sold myself for whatever promised thrill
but it was then, when hate ran through my veins
He was the display of grace that gives love before demand
and because of that love...
i want to love
to give of myself
without thinking of myself
to put your good above my own
i want to embrace
to spread wide my arms
without the fear of a knife
cause what is love if its not a sacrifice?
